she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
True college students do jello shots in the library
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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