So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
