my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
