I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Quick, to the slutcave!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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