Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
