I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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