I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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