Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
