P.S. I can't hear my feet
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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