I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
