Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So squirting runs in the family.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
