Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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