So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
