so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
