i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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