You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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