Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
