I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
