I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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