Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
