the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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