Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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