Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
