I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
we're so committed to being not committed
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
