I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
