I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
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