are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
