god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
