It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
