I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
