i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
