so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
