Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
