and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
And then he peed in my hair
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