what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
