I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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