I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
