shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
pray to the hookup gods
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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