I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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