just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
