Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
