I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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