you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I am one with the molecules
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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