I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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