'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
