That's intense
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
