i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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