Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
