He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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