I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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