Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
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He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We just shotgunned beers for America
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
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I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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