Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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