My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
