I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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