Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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