he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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