Sponge bath it is.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
