life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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