you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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