All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
