I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
