You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
