Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
