Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
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Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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