I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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